Keyboard Immortal Chapter 22: There’s Poison in its Shit

Chapter 22: There’s Poison in its Shit

Upon receiving the orders, the Assrip Wolves came to their senses and changed their strategy. While some stayed in front to distract the Crazy Red-Eyed Rhino, the rest of the pack circled to its back to attack its ass.

The Crazy Red-Eyed Rhino seethed in rage. Why is everyone going after my ass today?!?! While the rhino boasted tough, coppery hide which the Assrip Wolves could not hope to penetrate with their teeth, this protection did not extend all the way to its backside. The softest part of its body was its ass.

The Crazy Rhino tried its best to ram the disgusting wolves, but it was ponderous compared to the agile Assrip Wolves. Each time it charged, the wolves simply danced away. After dozens of attempts, it was left panting heavily, its head spinning from overexertion.

The wolves seized the chance to counterattack, ceasing their probing strikes and launching themselves at the Crazy Rhino’s ass.

The larger animal panicked. I really shouldn’t have come to this darned place. It’s all that damned human’s fault!

You have successfully trolled Red-Eyes Crazy Rhino for 2 Rage points! … 2… 2… 2…

As furious as it was, it did not hesitate to flee when it became necessary. It turned tail and charged toward the opening of the wolf den. The wolves rushed to block its escape. This bountiful meal had been delivered straight to their doorstep, and there was no way they were letting it escape.

Watching from the top of a slope, Ji Xiaoxi felt sorry for the poor rhino. “The Crazy Red-Eyed Rhino is simply at far too much of a disadvantage against the Assrip Wolves. If it was any other wild beast possessing higher offensive prowess and agility, the Assrip Wolves would have been no match.”

“Didn’t that Crazy Rhino bully you earlier? I’ll take revenge for you.” The lie slipped easily from Zu An’s lips.

“But it’s so pitiful!” Ji Xiaoxi exclaimed. “It looks like it won’t last long. Should we save it?”

Zu An quickly grabbed her arm to stop her from doing anything. Ji Xiaoxi really has too much sympathy in her. She’ll definitely be exploited by others in the future. Also wow, her arm is so soft. “Don’t worry, it won’t die that easily. Just continue watching.”

Ji Xiaoxi was skeptical of what Zu An had just said, but she did as he said. To her surprise, something unexpected occurred.

An exceptionally well-built wolf finally found an opening to bite down on the Crazy Red-Eyed Rhino’s ass. Excited by its success, it prepared to rip out its intestines, just like with any other prey. Without warning, a shudder shook the wolf’s body and it fell to the ground, completely still.

A second wolf followed, suffering the same fate. Then a third, and then a fourth…

…

It took the deaths of over twenty Assrip Wolves before the pack finally noticed something was amiss. They backed away fearfully from the Crazy Red-Eyed Rhino.

They barked and howled at each other.

What’s going on?

I don’t know either!

I know!

What?

That fellow’s shit is poisoned!

…

The pack leader of the Assrip Wolves was infuriated.

Think about how much shit we have eaten over the years! When have we ever been poisoned before? That big oaf must possess some ability that we don’t know of. Be careful, everyone!

This calmed the rest of the pack. It was beyond common sense that a living creature could have poisonous feces. They would never be able to mount a successful hunt if that were so!

The Crazy Red-Eyed Rhino also noticed this unexpected development. Could it be that my ass possesses some unknown power? Why didn’t Mama ever tell me about this?

Realizing that the once-arrogant Assrip Wolves were steering clear of its ass, the Crazy Red-Eyed Rhino relaxed its defensive stance and wiggled its ass at the wolf pack, taunting them. ‘Come and get a taste of my ass if you dare!’ It seemed to shout.

Zu An chuckled at the brazen display of the Crazy Red-Eyed Rhino. “I didn’t think that it would behave so immodestly.”

Ji Xiaoxi’s face, on the other hand, had flushed completely red. This was too much for a demure woman like her. She turned her gaze away, but could not suppress her curiosity. “How did you do it? Was it that dagger?”

Zu An nodded. “I applied a deadly poison on the dagger’s blade. When the Assrip Wolves bit down on the Crazy Rhino’s rear, the blade nicked them and poisoned them.” He wasn’t willing to reveal the true secret behind the Poisonous Prick, so he made up a plausible excuse instead.

“I see.” Ji Xiaoxi nodded. It seemed reasonable, but she wondered just what kind of poison in the world could remain effective for so long. After all, there was only so much poison that one could coat on the tip of a dagger. It shouldn’t have been enough to kill over twenty Assrip Wolves, no matter how potent the poison was.

Down in the Wolf Valley, the Assrip Wolves had gone berserk at the provocations of the Crazy Red-Eyed Rhino. One after another, they dashed forward to sink their teeth into its ass, and each time, the unfortunate wolf would suffer the sting of the Poisonous Prick. The battlefield piled up with Assrip Wolf corpses.

“Ohhhhh~”

When the foreign object had been stuffed into its rear end, the Crazy Red-Eyed Rhino had felt great pain. However, it had slowly gotten used to the intrusion, and the pain had gone away. Now, the object vibrated each time the Assrip Wolves bit down on it, sending spasms of pleasure through the rhino’s body. The door to a whole new set of experiences was opening right before it.

The Assrip Wolves pulled back a second time, communicating in panicked howls.

That fellow’s shit is really poisoned!

How could shit possibly be poisoned? Are you denying the experience and traditions of our tribe for over the past thousand years? That was the pack leader.

Why don’t you go and have a taste then! This was from a wolf almost the same size as the pack leader. The two almost never saw eye-to-eye.

Fine, I’ll go then!

The pack leader knew that this particular wolf coveted its position. It also sensed the fear pouring off the other pack members, and knew that it would not be long before it lost the respect of the pack. It had to act personally to reinforce his position as pack leader, and reinstate their confidence in its leadership.

Prowling behind the Crazy Red-Eyed Rhino, it saw an opening and darted forward, swift as lightning. This was the end. Just as it had happened countless times before, it would pull out the intestines of this accursed rhino and bring about its demise.

As the pack leader hung in the air mid-strike, the rhino stiffened. The prolonged and intense battle had caused putrid gases to accumulate in its stomach. The obstruction in its rear end had prevented their escape thus far, but the pressure had grown too much. The rhino felt its abdomen clench, followed by the sound of cloth ripping. A massive, resounding fart escaped its rear end, sending a huge amount of feces flying, together with the foul dagger that had been lodged inside.

The leader of the Assrip Wolves wound up smeared in foul excrement. Enraged, it prepared to launch another devastating attack when its body suddenly seized up, and it fell to the ground dead.

While the dagger had not been propelled with enough force to inflict a lethal wound, it had managed to nick the wolf’s face along the way. That was enough to kill it.

You have successfully trolled Assrip Wolf King for 10 Rage points!

A chorus of anguished wolf howls erupted.

Its shit is really poisoned!

Our King has died from shit!

…

All of the other Assrip Wolves were scared out of their wits. They lost their will to fight and scattered, fleeing toward the mountain forest.

The Crazy Red-Eyed Rhino shook its head. It did not fully understand what had happened, but the near-death experience at the teeth and claws of the Assrip Wolves had clearly shaken it. It stumbled away on uneven legs. It was in no mood to find and exact vengeance on the human who had started it all.

With that, peace returned to the valley. Zu An was the first to slide down the slope. At the bottom, he opened his arms wide and called up, “Xiaoxi, be careful. I’ll catch you.”

Ji Xiaoxi shook her head and replied, “There’s no need for that.”

She flipped herself into the air, landing gracefully on the valley floor. It was a performance far more spectacular than what Zu An had managed earlier.

Zu An recalled that Ji Xiaoxi’s cultivation was higher than his own, and scratched his head sheepishly. He hastened to the middle of the battlefield to retrieve the Poisonous Prick.

It was fortunate that the Crazy Red-Eyed Rhino had relinquished its hold on the dagger. It saved him from needing to use the Poison Bottle to knock it out so that he could retrieve it.

“Argh, the smell!”

Even though the Poisonous Prick had been wrapped in a handkerchief, it still gave off a putrid stink. Zu An took out his water bottle and washed it over and over before finally keeping it.

Ji Xiaoxi had hoped to examine just what kind of formidable poison the dagger was coated with, but found herself too embarrassed to ask. She let Zu An put away the dagger without comment. In her view, everyone had their own secrets to survive in this world, and it seemed a little insensitive of her to ask about such a private matter.

Zu An misread her hesitation for something else. Gingerly, he picked up the handkerchief by a corner and handed it to her. “Here, I’ll give this back to you. You can try washing it to see if it’s still usable.”

Ji Xiaoxi froze, her mouth half-open. She stared at the yellowish stains that covered the handkerchief, which smelled horrendous.

You have successfully trolled Ji Xiaoxi for 1 Rage point!

Zu An was amused by her response. This lady sure has an even temper. Even this only generated a single Rage point. It looks like she’s the kind to never get angry at anyone.

“You can toss it away. I don’t want it anymore.” Ji Xiaoxi forced herself to smile as she spoke. She noticed Zu An’s earnest look, and felt a twinge of guilt.

Zu An casually tossed the handkerchief to the side and said, “I’ll buy you a new one.”

He didn’t want to keep the handkerchief either. Even the thought of washing it was enough to disgust him.

Ji Xiaoxi nodded casually, clearly putting it out of her mind. She looked around at the corpses of the Assrip Wolves and said, “Let’s harvest any goubaos quickly, before the wolf pack returns.”

“Don’t worry. After what just happened, I’m sure those Assrip Wolves have lost any will to fight. I reckon that they won’t be back anytime soon,” Zu An said.

Little did he know that this incident had caused the Assrip Wolves to question their entire existence. Fearful, they stopped targeting the asses of their prey for months, which nearly led to their extinction.

Despite his confidence, Zu An quickly got to work. He tore open the stomachs of the Assrip Wolf carcasses one by one, and managed to collect a total of twelve goubaos, including the one Plum Blossom Twelve had retrieved for him earlier.

It was a pity there wasn’t anything else, like a demonic core or some other fancy fantasy item. He had read a lot of novels regarding transmigration previously, and was still looking forward to obtaining some sort of special reward. However, there was no such thing to be found, even after searching through the carcass of the pack leader several times.

“You’re truly formidable. You managed to kill so many Assrip Wolves,” Ji Xiaoxi remarked in admiration.

“Hahaha, you’re flattering me.” Despite Zu An’s humble words, his expression clearly said he would welcome more praise.

Zu An made sure to tuck the goubaos away securely. Ji Xiaoxi watched in silence for a long while, then said, “I have a request to ask of you. I know that it might sound unreasonable, but I would still like you to hear me out.”